Warning!!! Long post ahead...
Injustice defined by www.dictionary.com is:
n.
- Violation of another's rights or of what is right; lack of justice.
- A specific unjust act; a wrong.
why do I bring this up?
A person I well respected today observed how we were sharing. I
was sharing about being pulled over in Texas one fine night during
spring break of 2000. I was on the highway going about 10 over
when I exited the highway to drop my friend off in her
neighborhood. The highway had an access road running parallel to
it and as I got off, I noticed a cop. I was in the middle lane to
turn left (middle lane could turn left or go straight) and the cop was
in the right lane. The light turned green... I turned left and
the cop turned right. The cop proceeded to bust a U-turn, come up
behind me and pulls me over at a gas station. Cop comes over and
gets my license and insurance (no registration needed in Texas since
it's on the windshield), goes away and them comes back. He asks
me if I know what I did wrong and I told him no. At first I
thought it was cuz I was speeding on the highway.... but no... he
pulled me over because I didn't use my left turn signal when turning
left.
If you've ever been pulled over, then you've experienced that scared
"oh my gosh, i'm gonna get a ticket" feeling... and if you haven't...
lucky you...
He gave me a warning and I drove off (making sure to use my right turn
signal as I pulled out of the gas station). I dropped my friend
off and proceeded home.
Years later, I think about what happened and I get frustrated due to the injustice I felt like I experienced.
So this person noticed how I shared about injustice and as I thought
about it more throughout today, I realized more and more how right he
was... about how injustice was an issue that really bothered me a lot.
I feel that I've seen so many examples of it even in my personal life.
Many of you know that my parents were divorced when I was 16 (about 8
years ago). It was a really difficult time for me because of what
I saw my mom go through. I still feel as though there is
repenting for me to do because of my attitude through the whole thing
and my lack of faith....
during the divorce, my mom got (for a lack of better words) screwed
over BIG TIME. My mom got pretty much nothing. My dad got
the business and had lots of money that he had been secretly hiding
from my mom for a long time. In the end, my mom got the house and
alimony for only... 2 or 3 years... and the amount she received
relative to the amount of money that my dad had and made was...
absolutely NOTHING. Injustice?
She got the house right? Can a woman who has spent the last 10
years or so working with my dad afford such a house? Like I said,
my dad made a decent amount of money so we lived in a pretty nice
house... but how does one afford a house without a job? In terms
of job skills, my mom pretty much had none except for working behind a
counter and cash register. She never got beyond middle school in
terms of her education.
So in the end, my mom pretty much had to declare bankruptcy and sell
the house and I moved out with my mom into a small two bedroom
apartment. Injustice?
My mom is a very humble, God-fearing woman, who believes very firmly in
the word of God. Moving from that big house to a small apartment
wasn't that big of a deal to her since she's the last person to even be
considered worldly.
For me, it wasn't really that big of a deal but I do admit that there
was shame in where I lived because I had friends who lived in such nice
houses (I'm from plano... everyone drives BMW's, Lexus's, Benz's...
etc).
I think if I stopped here people would agree that some degree of
injustice was experienced by my mom.... but the story goes on and I'll
share one more thing.
A few months after we moved out of our house, we found out from our old
neighbor (we were good friends with our next door neighbor) that
someone had moved into our old house. At first our neighbor had
no idea who it was. She saw some strange kids and an asian
woman...
not too long after, we learned that my dad had moved into our old house with his new wife.
Oh, did I mention why my parents got divorced? Like I said
before, my mom is a Godly woman, firmly rooted in the word. Bible
allows for divorce in one circumstance. I think you guys can
figure it out.... more injustice?
so the house that my mom, sister, and I had spent 3 or 4 years in was now the residence of my stepmom and dad.
To this day, I will never understand the pain that my mom felt when she
learned this... and to this day, I still do not understand how my dad
did this to her... injustice?
I think you guys get the idea of the sort of injustice I saw my mom experience during this time of her life.
It really was sad watching my mom. I felt so sad for her because
even though they were divorced, she refused to believe that there was
any other husband out there besides my father (even though he was
remarried).
I can't even begin to tell you how many ways I hurt my mom as well by the selfish things I did... but that's another story...
The reason why I bring up my past isn't to justify the way I feel about
certain things... but I feel that these events have really shaped the
way I think about things in life...
and more so recently... I see injustice in a different form... I can't
really explain it right now as I am still trying to grasp why I
struggle with this and how much more I need to repent because of my
attitude...
i share this because today has been such a tough day for me...
outwardly i feel that i was okay... but inwardly, my heart battled...
and i'm tired...
please pray for...
my dad. despite all that he's done... don't judge him.
there have been some good things come out of this divorce on his
end. before my parents got divorced, he stopped going to
church. now, he regularly attends on sundays.
my mom. a lot of things have happened with her recently which i
will not talk about... but pray that she would not lose heart or faith
in light of recent events which have occurred. she is currently
in korea with her family.
my sister. to be honest, i don't know the spiritual state which
she's in. but i feel that she has been far away for a while
now. she used to faithfully attend church in high school but not
quite sure if she even goes regularly anymore.
me. i see more and more my lack of dependence on God in so many
aspects of my life... but I know that God is good. He promises to
be faithful and I know without a shadow of doubt the He will be until
the day I day.
despite the broken-ness of my family, I still praise God for where each
and everyone of us are in our lives... for I know that through all the
pain... Jeremiah 29:11 rings true:
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to
prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
How awesome is our God!!!
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